How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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