physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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