I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
