i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
