the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
