I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
