She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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