Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
