i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
