I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
