I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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