4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
