Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize