My hand turned me down
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We are two peas in an std pod
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
