My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Found your dick twin last night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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