I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
