Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize