Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
where are my eyebrows?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
