Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
