1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
