YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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