Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
