Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
