A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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