I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
