He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
