And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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