Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
