I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
