i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
