Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want a musical about memes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
