we're blogging at a bar
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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