Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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