The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
