I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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