I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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