I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
