Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
