My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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