So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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