I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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