i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize