Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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