I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize