Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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