i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You are a genius and a whore.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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