Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize