I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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