I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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