im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
