i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize