Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
