I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
