At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Houston, we have a squirter
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
