That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
