Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
