Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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