Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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