yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
