you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
