Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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