it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
