Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
