If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
