Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My penis needs a shock collar
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
