i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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