god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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