I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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