my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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