she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
