I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize