that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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