Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
